That Face in the Mirror

Rubbing my head and wiping my eyes as I stand before the morning mirror is always depressing. Another day older and something I meant to do yesterday I realize I forgot. Not an earth-shattering thing but now it is an item on today’s list that I did not need. But this morning is frighteningly different.

The list? Yes, that is the same, add one from yesterday to the equation. The difference this morning is me, or who I thought should be me. The second wipe of my eyes and it is no illusion. Someone else is looking back at me. No, there is no one behind me, it is just me only it is not.

When I was young I used to imagine being someone else, looking like someone else, and being somewhere else. You know the kind of thing most young people do as a result of healthy fantasy, personal hangups about oneself, or just mindless wondering about the lives of others. There are things about my appearance that have always made me feel self-conscious and I often imagined they did not exist and I could hold my head high without hiding. Almost everyone feels this and it is nothing special. Having it happen is an entirely different matter.

Who is that in the mirror, because it certainly is not me. The face looks lost and angry and the skin has scars. I never had blonde hair before. Well, there was that college experiment but I blame the 80s for that. The eyes look terrified and at the same time so empty. The ears are freakishly small making me wonder how can I even hear anything. Green eyes and a bigger nose who is this person? My voice sounds like a robot from the planet of Tanoonie that has been through too much war and vices of scorn.

I am outta this bathroom to get some fresh air. I can no longer see that strange face staring back at me but the crazy voice remains. Perhaps too much outside influence or not enough? What is going on here and am I going out of my mind? Is this the change I imagined at some point in my life because if it is I was only kidding! I know, maybe it is a mishmash of them all along with all the outside influences of our world around us. What if it is permanent and I am stuck this way?

A quick look back in the mirror and like a cup of dice rolled on the table all the features have come out all different from before and it still is not me. I am asleep. This is a dream. Dream on and do not worry about it and once I wake up it will stop. I am not sleeping. I am seeing clearly. Clearly as a chlorine-soaked pool on a bright sunny day. Only, it is the imagination gone reality for the purpose of clarity.

What lies within each of us is unique yet the same. We all allow influences outside ourselves to change us in some way. Each time we allow those influences to shape us against our will or wishes, we lose something of our true self, the one we know so well. Books, movies, television, news, social media, and people play a part in shaping us inside and out. Our job is to take in what serves us well and dispose of the rest or risk losing our true self.

The reality of those influences cannot be seen on the outside through physical changes and what if it did change what we saw in the mirror? Would we change how we let that which influences us change us into something we no longer recognize or would we be more cautious and selective? So much surrounds us throughout our entire lives and we must stay true to ourselves lest we lose ourselves completely. You may not be able to see it in the mirror but once you realize it there may be no fixing it for you have given your inner self over to others according to what they want you to be.

So the next time you look in the mirror look deeply into your soul and tell yourself it belongs to you. Practice safe boundaries and limitations and search for influence and change that feeds the soul and the outside will always be someone you know well and love. Self-love of yourself builds confidence and happiness.

#BeTrueToYourself #SaturdayMorning #Mirrors #blog

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