Your Call

I missed your call today Dad. I missed the joke about how monumental it was or how the next one would be. There was no joke about how time flies, or do you remember when, or even wait until you get to be my age. Regardless of the year you always made me laugh. You also made me think. It was the thinking that eventually led me to change the course of my life. Travel while you can you said and so I did. Prepare for the future, it will be here before you know it. That one I did not master so well, but I will never stop trying. I missed your call today mostly because I always thought you would always call. Each year, every year, and forever.

I talk to you each day, and yet this call I could not take. The phone never showed your name and number, and you left no voice mail. I didn’t hear your voice today, and the worst part is that I never will again and my heart just hurts for it.

I missed calling you last year on your day too. The first time in so many years that I did not make the call. Your number still sits in my contact list and I wanted to dial just because, but alas you wouldn’t answer so I just stared at your face on my phone. Many days I cry, but birthdays I think are going to be the worst. You gave me life, you gave me guidance, and you even gave me grief. All the things Dads are supposed to do. Your love was the greatest gift of all, and though you will always be with me I missed your call all the same today.

Many loved ones would make my day special. The messages, calls, cards, and special dinner made me feel so loved. No one mentioned you, but I know they knew that in my heart I missed your call. It is the very first one that I missed, and I know that is why I hurt so much. With time it may get easier, but I will never forget you and I will always wish for the call…but there will be many more I will miss.

As the days, weeks, and months have passed by since you died it feels as if I am never going to feel whole again. I miss you. I always will.

Happy Birthday to me…your Bud. I miss hearing that too.

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